THE BOOK OF MY SHAMES

Gordon Gerrard, conductor

Isaiah Bell, tenor, creator & composer

Sean Gust, creator and director

Kolby Zinger-Harris, orchestration

BELL The Book of My Shames

• Hungry, Hungry Hole
• Roman Summer
• Piano Miniature No. 2
• Mal de Coucou
• Let Me Be Next to You
• Tornami
• Comets

Program Notes

The Book of My Shames is hard to write about. Partly, this is because we already state our case as clearly as we can within the piece. Mostly, though, it’s that the show is like one of those paintings where the painted area only serves as background to a blank space in the middle — a blank space that forms the shape of the actual subject. Ostensibly, our show is made up of a series of episodes from my early life, but it might not be most helpful to think of it as a coming-of-age story, or in fact as a narrative at all. We call it “The Story of a Hole”, but it might as well be called “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Hole”; The Book of My Shames is not really about the anecdotes that it comprises, but about the blank space they all point to — a black hole whose gravitational pull distorts all activity around it.

I hope that doesn’t sound too pompous or confusing, but if it does it may only be because, in my experience, we are much more used to talking about what a person is or does than we are to wondering what it must be like to be that person — even though it is the experience of living in our particular bodies that gives rise to all our particular behaviour.

Sean Guist and I first had the idea to develop a conversation around this after I premiered an autobiographical song (a piece that later came to anchor this show) at Sean’s OUTstages Festival in Victoria. I had never intended to sing the piece myself, but when the original performer couldn’t do it, I let Sean gently bully me into presenting my own work — something I was very uncomfortable doing at the time.

In the response to the performance I instantly noticed a gap between my understanding of the piece and what others seemed to be taking from it. Most striking was the difference in empathy; audience members seemed to have much more compassion for the suffering of the young person in the story than I had, either at the time of the experience or in writing of it many years later. I could only see weakness and compulsion.

It’s surprising how long it has taken me to understand that my self-image doesn’t always correspond with how other people see me. Surprising because, as a performing artist, I spend a lot of time thinking about how I’m seen. It’s like the old joke: an old fish swims by two younger fish and says “Morning, boys… How’s the water?” One young fish turns to the other and says, “What the hell is water?” The element that we swim in, the lens through which we see everything, is the hardest thing to recognize. That’s what shame has been for me. That’s why it’s so hard to talk about, and that’s why this piece isn’t really a story; you can’t have a story where nothing changes. I hope you can look into and beyond these personal reminiscences, to the invisible force that shapes them. I believe these forces — shame for me, something else equally pervasive and nebulous for you — pull the strings in all of our lives, and usually only at the edges of our awareness. And that’s interesting.

— Isaiah Bell, February 2022

Bios

Gordon Gerrard, conductor

Conductor Gordon Gerrard is among the exciting new generation of music directors demonstrating new visions for orchestral leadership in Canada. Currently in his sixth season leading the Regina Symphony Orchestra, Gordon has distinguished himself as a leader in innovative and inclusionary programming. Trained first as a pianist and subsequently as a specialist in operatic repertoire, he brings a fresh perspective to the podium that endears him to audiences and musicians alike. After an international search, Gordon was appointed Music Director of the Regina Symphony Orchestra where he has taken bold steps reimagining the orchestra’s programming, including its Forward Currents Festival dedicated to social change and community engagement.

Learn more about Gordon at gordongerrard.com

Isaiah Bell, tenor, creator & composer

Isaiah Bell performs across North America in opera and oratorio, his work characterized by his “beautiful tenor, command of style, and natural stage presence” and a “strong, glorious voice with its heroic, oratorio-style ring”. He is also a composer, a writer, and a poet. Recently he has combined these disciplines in his critically acclaimed touring solo show, The Book of My Shames; in the performance on film of his original translation/adaptation of Poulenc’s solo opera La voix humaine (a “finely tuned performance, so perfectly married to his own sensitive and intelligent adaptation” – Opera Canada); and in hybrid concept recitals across Canada. Previously Isaiah starred in the premiere of Rufus Wainwright’s Hadrian at the Canadian Opera Company, and Mark Morris’ production of Curlew River at the Brooklyn Academy of Music (“a performance of exquisite poignancy” – The New York Times) and has appeared with the Edinburgh Festival, the Toronto Symphony, the National Arts Centre Orchestra, and at Lincoln Center. His upcoming season includes world premieres at Opéra de Montréal and Carnegie Hall.

Sean Guist, creator & director

Co-Creator and Director of The Book of My Shames, Sean Guist is Co-Artistic & Marketing Director of Intrepid Theatre in Victoria, BC/Lekwungen Territory. Administrator by day and queer artist, producer and director by night, Sean is the founding Curator of Intrepid Theatre’s OUTstages queer theatre festival, and has created new residency programs for local artists, and fostered new work through cabarets, emerging artist programs, and mentorship opportunities. Recent directing credits include readings of Sunday in Sodom (Belfry Theatre SPARK Festival), The Empress (Theatre Outre), Tom at the Farm (Puente Theatre) and productions of Side by Side Sondheim and Down Dangerous Passes Road (independent). Sean can be seen on drag stages as the bearded queen, Woofie, and has created queer events in non-traditional queer spaces like the sold-out drag show hit, Drag, Queers & Beers at Phillips Beer.

Kolby Zinger-Harris, orchestration

Kolby Zinger-Harris is a composer, arranger, music producer, and musicologist based in Toronto, ON. Kolby completed a Bachelor of Music specializing in Composition at the University of Toronto, having studied with Gary Kulesha, James Rolfe, and Norbert Palej, as well as a Master of Arts in Musicology, also at U of T. Their original works have been performed by such ensembles as the Okanagan Symphony Orchestra, the U of T Opera Company, and the Cecilia String Quartet. Kolby is also a composer on the independent video game Waterboy from Gremshak Games.